Episode 5 - Heart Broken

Date: 570/1/2732

Patient: Do'oo'too, Troglodan

Patient ID: 00946713

Presenting Complaint: Alive? 

Dr Underwood meets a biological impossibility and makes a friend.

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Please consider supporting us on Patreon! The bonus story for this episode is called ‘Reverberation’ and is available here!

To avoid spoilers, content warnings are available at the bottom of this page!

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Transcript:

[MUSIC: The Vesta Clinic Theme]

FAYE: 

[Distant] Tell them they can come back any time, okay? There'll always be someone here and they can call me, okay? Alright. Safe travels.  

[SOUND: clinic door closes, footsteps, chair]

Ugh.

[SEC: typing on screen]

Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna take a minute. 

God, that was horrible. 

Have you still got that paper open?

[SEC: affirmative ping, file open]

[Reading] Of the four known survivors, none ever returned to their community due to fear of persecution. One of the patients knew of another survivor who - oh, Sec - who offered themselves as a sacrifice to the community to protect their family. That's - 

[SOUND: scrolling]

The paper goes on to list a bunch of genes that the survivors had in common but no healthy troglodan were willing to contribute to the research so . . . When was this published? 

[SEC: typing on screen]

That's not that long ago. Hey, Sec, isn't there meant to be a Dr Solari working at the clinic? 

[SEC: affirmative ping, file open]

Dr Dakarigh? Dakarai? Solari.

[SOUND: scrolling]

 Oh yeah, it says he works at the Vesta Clinic. 

[SOUND: rummaging in pockets]

 Can I have his comms ID? He might be able to help out with this case. 

[SEC: typing on screen]

I hate writing professional comms messages. 

[SOUND: typing on comms] 

[mumbling as she types] I . . . The new . . . I was just reading your paper on matahane thanaitu . . . would appreciate your clinical input if you have anything to add to their care . . . Best wishes, Faye. 

[SOUND: message sent, zipper]

I remember first learning about the troglodan. There was a kid in my class, we were only little, I think about 10 Earth years or something. Yeah, there was this kid who cried when they showed us the pictures. They are, um, kind of scary looking. And when you're a child, everything that’s not from Earth has this  kind of mythic terror to it, even the pretty ones. But then they told us about the matahane thanaitu and . . . I dunno, I think it was the first time I'd ever really thought about the fact that the same love that humans experience - not that I'd . . . You know, I was 10 - but, you know, I'd been brought up thinking that it was unique to humans and . . . It's actually one of the most unifying qualities of sentience.

[SOUND: rummaging in pockets]

It's - um - [distracted]  

[SEC: typing on screen]

Huh? Yes, I know I’ve been checking my comms a lot. 

[SEC: affirmative ping]

Sorry. I’ll put it away.

[SEC: typing on screen]

Uh . . . No - I - I don’t want to. 

[SEC: typing on screen] 

Actually, um, Sec, I - I think we should do the letter. 

[SEC: affirmative ping] 

[MUSIC: begins]

Date: 570/1/2732

Patient: Do'oo'too, Troglodan

Patient ID: 00946713

This pleasant troglodan attended clinic today with their off-offspring: D'too'awa - Sec can you put in brackets: for the sake of nomenclature, this is Do'oo'too's first offspring's third offspring. A grandchild.

[SEC: affirmative ping] 

D'too'awa is deeply concerned for their grandparent's safety and well-being following the recent passing of their life partner, Do'a'too. 

From the minute the door was opened, I knew that there was something badly wrong. There have been more than a few times in my career where I've felt my stomach try and leave my body through the nearest exit, and this was one of them. That sound . . . Like a rolling wave of pure grief. Stars. 

It seems that it's not uncommon for Martian travellers to find their way out to the Belt, particularly if they're travelling through to the dustier climes of Jupiter and beyond, but Troglodan are a relatively static species. They have their caves and their matahane thanaitu and that seems to be more than enough for the vast majority of them. Seeing the pair of them all the way out here made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. That, and the way the light caught on the razor-sharp edge of their beaks. 

Matahane thanaitu unites a willing couple in a way that the cheesy romance streams could only dream of. From the time of the bond, the pair are neurochemically linked, able to detect and regulate each other's emotional states and gifted with a slowed rate of cellular degeneration. It's like the love they share literally sustains them on a molecular level. This, of course, comes at a price. If a bonded troglodan were to die, its partner wouldn't be able to live without them and would succumb within days of their passing. Even being separated from their partner for too long can cause severe psychological distress and so, when Do'oo'too presented to clinic without their Do'a'too . . . 

I thought it was biologically impossible. So did their family. 

D'too'awa willingly acted as a translator between Do'oo'too and myself and explained that their other grandparent had passed away roughly 15 sols ago and the entire community was deeply disturbed by Do'oo'too's lack of passing. 

D'too'awa had taken the single available chair opposite mine and I looked down at the wrinkled, six-legged form curled around the base of the chair - the way one might curl around the dying embers of a campfire for that last shudder of warmth. Against the backdrop of the haunting echo from Do'oo'too's skull-throat, a thought flashed obtrusively to the forefront of my mind, that my patient was wrapping themself around the chair as though it were the deceased and they weren't willing to let them go. 

D'too'awa offered an explanation for this without prompting, by assuring me that Do'oo'too had been performing all of the pair bond departure rituals: biologically compelled to seize onto their partner until their own passing and refusing sustenance in the surety that they, too, were already dying. Do'oo'too's claws made sharp clacking sounds as they hit the plastic pillar keeping the chair in place and, um, I didn’t ask how they managed to pull them away from each other. 

I was finding it difficult to concentrate on D'too'awa’s account of the last 13 sols. Troglodan spend so much of their life with a partner whose emotions and intentions they share, that the need for structured verbal communication becomes obsolete with their own kind. Instead, they pass air through the fleshy pits in their skull - unimaginatively named the 'skull-throat' by some lazy human along the way - to, um, create musical, complex and often beautiful vocalisations. It's said that troglodan with the pair bond can harmonise so perfectly with each other that they sound like a single voice. 

The ethereal notes floating up from the floor did sound like they were reaching for a response. It felt like they were trying to pull one from a hollow place inside my chest. 

[SOUND: scrolling]

In fact, I think it even mentioned it in Dr Solari’s - was it Dr Solari?

[SEC: affirmative ping] 

Yeah. It’s mentioned in his paper, there's a theory that troglodan evolved to die when their partner did because the echoes of their grief were too painful for the rest of the community to cope with. Some theories feel like goosebumps. 

Still, this is what I understood: 

Prior to Do'a'too's death, the pair had enjoyed a long and happy relationship. They had each been the other's first attempted pair bond, um, and so it was unlikely that this abnormality has been caused by some secret biological allegiance to a different troglodan. Do'oo'too and their partner were meticulous and thoughtful keepers of the community's excess food stores and Do'a'too's passing caused a ripple of sadness through the other troglodan residents, a ripple which returned as a rolling wave of suspicion and fear when Do'oo'too didn’t also . . . um, pass on. 

'They keep the food.' D'too'awa explained to me. 'If they are sick, the community fear that it will spread to them in the meat. They are scared.' 

Now, Sec - 

[SEC: questioning ping] 

- you know I'm a terrible physicist but I know that there are several constants in the universe. One of the most reliable ones I have noticed is that scared beings do not make good neighbours.

[SEC: affirmative ping] 

D'too'awa told me that this terror and suspicion grew its own set of sharp, bronze claws very quickly and Do'oo'too's offspring were running out of answers for the increasingly agitated questions they were receiving. They didn't say it, not in Martian, anyway, but there was a discordant note of betrayal in the aching melody from Do'oo'too's skull. And I really believe that their offspring were considering the benefits of . . . 

[SEC: typing on screen]

Yeah. Euthanasia. 

Ugh. It's difficult. With D'too'awa sitting there, asking me over and over how could this have happened? And is he sick? Will we all get sick? It was easy to forget that they had risked a lot by sneaking Do'oo'too out of the cave system and into the city. They almost definitely saved their elder's life . . . Even if they didn't want . . . Even if the notion of Do'oo'too's continued existence felt viscerally wrong to them. 

I wonder if the troglodan ever forget the less-consuming kinds of love in the face of matahane thanaitu. 

 Do'oo'too and their off-offspring had been incredibly lucky by D'too'awa’s account. When they reached the city, there was a shuttle waiting to depart to Jupiter with enough space for them in cryo. 

'We hoped they weren't going to survive the journey.' D'too'awa said. The elderly troglodan on the floor shivered. 

So, I had . . . What I thought was a unique biological event in this very clinic room. And I had no idea what to do to help them. In the face of uncertainty, I did what every doctor in the history of time has done . . . 

[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]

Uh, yeah, I did a blood test. And I put them in the scanner. And I hoped.

If you could - ?

[SEC: file attached]

Oh. Thanks. You're getting good at this. 

[SEC: affirmative ping]

[SOUND: comms alert, rummaging in pockets]

Oh! Oh, it's Dr Solari! Erm, oh? Are they Martian? It says: OMS with four exclamation marks and then, I've literally just docked but give me a few spins to get used to clinic gravity and let's chat over food? IPDC I'll be with you in a click. 

Sec, what's IPDC? 

[SEC: typing on screen]

If Phobos doesn't crash? Hah. Very Martian. 

Cool. Well. That's good. They seem nice. 

[SEC: typing on screen]

Oh, he is? You . . . know him?

[SEC: affirmative ping]

Well, can't you tell me anything about him?

[SEC: negative ping]

You’re being very cryptic. 

[SEC: typing on screen]

Fine. Where was I? 

[SEC: typing on screen]

Thanks. 

Do'oo'too's bloods were tested for the standard baseline biomarkers and the only abnormality was a mildly raised deuric crystal level - suggestive of dehydration. I made sure they had something to drink before leaving the clinic room. I also checked a hormone panel which revealed a markedly raised stress hormone level which . . . again, isn't shocking given what they've been through.

[SEC: negative ping]

[Tut] Which is more likely secondary to the trauma of their partner's passing and the following experiences than a cause of their strange predicament. Better?

[SEC: affirmative ping]

Oh, could you also add in that their total protein was low. Bless them, they really haven't been able to look after themselves in the last few weeks. 

[SEC: affirmative ping]

D'too'awa's anxiety became more obvious as I examined their elder and got them in position for the scan. I could feel the hum from their skull-throat as a deep rumble in my molars. There was nothing of note on examination except that Do'oo'too appeared slightly more underweight than one might expect for a troglodan of their age and community position. 

I have attached the scan report. To my eyes, there are no obvious abnormalities on the scan, however, I will be sure to pass the scan results onwards for, uh, senior radiology review the next time we get in range of one of the planet-side hospitals. Just in case there are any subtle changes that I haven't seen. 

You know it is possible to die of a broken heart, Sec?

[SEC: questioning ping]

In humans, anyway . . . 

[SEC: questioning ping]

Yeah, it's rare but the stress of bereavement can cause a cardiomyopathy - literally a broken heart. It's . . . kind of cool, right? 

[SEC: typing on screen] 

D'too'awa didn't really seem to think so when I mentioned off-hand that it was something I was checking for with the scan. I rarely get scared during consultations, but there was something about the flex of her claws and the sudden shrillness of the music from her skull-throat that made my pulse jump. 

'This is not a broken heart.' It was almost a snarl, the way she said it. The metallic grinding sound from her skull was undercut by a low and soothing thrum from her elder. They had the grace to look embarrassed at their off-offspring's outburst, at least, that's what I think it means when a troglodan covers their beak with their third paw. I, um, got the impression that my patient understood quite a lot more than their off-offspring expected them too. 

I gently suggested that D'too'awa took a break while the scan was running and Nurse Calyxy was more than happy to help her get some water while they cooled off in the waiting room. 

Once the door had slid closed, and the scan had finished, I gestured for Do'oo'too to take the seat they had previously been curled underneath. Perhaps feeling unable to deny my request, they took it, but curled in around themselves instead, four of their six legs resting snug between the prominent ridges of their ribs.  

The difficulty, I think, when a human tries to communicate with a troglodan - or, or anyone, really, whose communication is mainly non-verbal - is that it's so easy to project your own biases onto what is essentially a stream of language that is far too nebulous and complex for a non-native speaker to ever fully understand. I thought there was a chime of curiosity in the notes of my patient's song, but that could have just been my own hope that they were willing to engage with me. It could have easily been fear. Or dread. 

I opened my mouth. Closed it again. Swallowed. 

'How are you?' I asked. It - 

 I felt so stupid. 

When Do'oo'too answered it was with little more than a whisper. 'This.' They said. 

And then the noises - the sound they were making - it just stopped.

I have complained, probably too often, about the size of this room. But it has never felt more empty. 

I reached out to them and laid a hand on top of one of their gravelly limbs. I think, anything to make the sound come back. And they touched the tip of their beak very gently to the back of my hand. 

'Do you want to die?' I asked them. The haunting call from their skull-throat came back in a rush. They couldn't meet my eyes for a long time. 

'No.' They said, finally. 'But I live for Do'a'too. For family.'

Troglodan have eyes as dark as the view from the clinic windows. I saw my reflection in Do'oo'too's as they finally looked at me. They asked me if I’m alone.

[SEC: typing on screen]

I didn't know what to say. I told them the truth. That my partner lives on Earth but we hope to be together again soon.

[SEC: typing on screen]

No, she is coming here.

[SEC: typing on screen]

This isn’t relevant, Sec. 

[SEC: typing on screen]

Then, if I'm even understanding them correctly, they remarked that it must be even worse, to know that the person you love isn't gone but is too far away to be with. 

And I - [humourless laugh] probably let that one keep me up tonight. But I firmly told them that we shouldn't talk about me and I'm saying the same thing to you, Sec.  

[SEC: typing on screen]

Then came the question D'too'awa had been plaguing me with. 

'Why am I wrong?' 

I admitted that I didn't know why things had happened the way they had, but that it didn't mean that there wasn't any explanation to be found. D'too'awa re-joined us as you were searching the literature, Sec, and there was a sickening moment where we all hopefully stared at the swirling pattern of the searching symbol, watching the number of files searched tick steadily upwards without returning anything. 

There were four papers. Three were case reports of single cases and one was Dr Solari's case series. We read that one first. Floored. My patient slipped out of the chair, their skin scraping against the plastic as they crept closer to the desk, as though they wanted to peck the words right off the screen and devour them.  

Their off-offspring sank back against the examination bench they had been leaning against. The dissonance between the calls from their skulls was dizzying. D'too'awa’s was the final thrum of a completed journey, someone contemplating the long road home. Do'oo'too's . . . Well, like I said, it's impossible to say. 

[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]

Hm. I like to think it was, yes. 

Finding no signs of acute illness on my patient - um, not that I'd have any idea how to treat them if I did - there remained the problem of what to do for them. It was clear that they couldn't return back to their community, even armed with the knowledge that their condition is not as aberrant as first thought. I have a duty of care for Do'oo'too and I'm fairly sure that extends to preventing them from skittering back into a death trap.

[SEC: affirmative ping]

The papers we found, though useful, didn't provide any indication of what happened to the troglodan going forwards - potentially in an attempt to protect them. In light of this, Sec forwarded an anonymised request for emergency accommodation on Vesta, both forDo'oo'too and D'too'awa and they’ve agreed to stay with us until a more permanent solution can be found. This provides the added benefit of the staff at the Clinic being able to keep a close eye on Do'oo'too's health while they’re close-by. 

'I am to stay here?' They repeated, slow and incredulous when I explained this to them. 

'I really think it's for the best. We will make sure that you're looked after.' I promised. The pair of troglodan shared a look I couldn't decipher. 'Not necessarily forever.' I added. Do'oo'too glanced back at the moving image of the emaciated but very much alive troglodan on the screen before looking at me and saying something that I'm not sure has ever been said in the history of the clinic: 

'It's very quiet out here.' 

My apologies to Dr Adra, who seems not to understand that a day and night shift are two different things. My patient may not be cursed themselves, but I fear they might have just cursed the case-load of the Clinic tonight. 

[SEC: affirmative ping]

 I rolled the words over my tongue a few times before speaking, tasting them to see if they’d come out too bitter. 'Some people find the quiet to be peaceful.' The music from Do'oo'too's head certainly seemed more serene than it did on their arrival. The hairs on my arms seemed to think so, anyway. 

Do'oo'too said something in their language which I failed to catch. D'too'awa slipped forwards and gripped them tightly from behind. 

'They would have loved it.' She promised. 

I will follow-up with this patient in due course and they are aware that they can return to speak to me or any of the other staff members at the clinic at any time. They obviously have no means of paying for their stay or for any amenities they are likely to require, but given their circumstances, I have no doubt that the Clinic will offer to cover these costs. I will endeavour to discuss the case with Dr Solari, author of the most recent case study on this phenomenon to see if - uh - he has anything to add to Do'oo'too's care.

Have I missed anything, Sec? 

[SEC: negative ping]

[SOUND: clinic door opens, footsteps]

DR SOLARI: 

Hi! Sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting! It's just, I've literally just got back from leave and cryo always leaves me both restless and feeling like I could eat half the Greenhouse.

[SEC: questioning ping, typing on screen]

[SOUND: clinic door closes]

Ooh! Hello, Dr Sec, long time no speak! 

[SEC: affirmative ping]

FAYE: 

[Confused] Dr Sec? 

DR SOLARI:

Hm? [Amused] Oh, no. He just loves the title.

 [SEC: affirmative ping]

FAYE: 

I'm so sorry . . . Do I -? Have we met? 

DR SOLARI: 

No. [Laughs] My apologies, I guess you haven’t seen my message? 

I'm Dr Solari, the one you asked for, but, please, just call me Dakarai. Rai, if you want to be friends. Everyone does. Well . . . Except, the sentient goo in the lab, but we can't be friends if you also want to call me - 

[SEC: typing on screen]

That. 

FAYE: 

Wow! Um. I probably won't call you that? I'm Faye, sorry - It's nice to meet you. 

DAKARAI: 

Yes! Xael told me someone was taking over from the Prof. Congratulations! It's about time we got another doctor out here.

FAYE: 

Ah, well. I'm trying! Did you want to talk about my patient now - or? 

DAKARAI: 

Oh, stars, no. Can we get some food? I'm literally about to go down like a - 

[SOUND: incoming comms call] 

Sorry, I should answer this! 

[SOUND: comms call answered]

Hi, beautiful!

[Dr Adra can be heard through the comms line]

No, I literally just got back -I did! How are you?

Oh, no, actually. I'm going to dinner with Dr Underwood.

Don't be jealous, come join us! We have a very interesting troglodan to talk about. And . . . I know you can't wait to hear my reviews of Pasiphae so . . . No, you can revise later. 

Phobos will crash before you fail that exam. Yeah, yeah, great, we'll see you on Indigo Deck then. 

[SOUND: comms call disconnected] 

Sorry about that! 

FAYE: 

Dr Adra's coming? 

DAKARAI: 

Ehhh, probably not. Apparently she can wait to hear about my holiday. Why do you look so relieved? What’s she done?

FAYE: 

No! Ah, no, no. She's not done anything! I mean, I'm not relieved!

 I - I think I made a bad first impression - somehow. 

DAKARAI: 

What? No! Xaelest's a ray of starlight. I'll bleep her. You'll see. 

I just assumed Indigo Deck was okay? 

FAYE: 

Yeah - uh - yeah. Where else is there?  

[SOUND: bleep buttons]

. . . I thought the bleeps were for emergencies?

DAKARAI: 

Dr Adra to Indigo Deck. Code 1. 

[BLEEP: Dr Adra to Indigo Deck. Code 1] 

They are. But it's the only way to get her attention sometimes. 

FAYE: 

[Nervous laugh] Right. Um, won't she be . . . Pissed? 

DAKARAI:

She could never be mad at me.

You done here? It actually feels like my stomach is trying to eat itself. 

FAYE: 

Do you have something to tell me? 

DAKARAI: 

Excuse me? 

FAYE: 

Oh - hah - no it was just a joke. You know, Jupiter's moons are rife with viral gastritis. But you should have been scanned on your way in . . .  And so it would be a secret if you had it and got past the scans. 

DAKARAI: 

Dr Faye, how long has it been since you spoke to a person who wasn't a patient? 

FAYE: 

[laughs] Too long. Let's go eat. 

DAKARAI: 

[Laughs]

FAYE: 

I’ll see you tomorrow, Sec.

[SEC: negative ping, multiple questioning pings, typing on screen]

DAKARAI: 

Whoa, Sec? 

FAYE: 

Oh, no. It's okay. I do this all the time. 

[SEC: affirmative ping] 

Signed,

Dr Faye Underwood

The Vesta Clinic

[MUSIC: The Vesta Clinic Theme]

CREDITS

This episode of the Vesta Clinic was created by AMC. It starred AMC as Faye Underwood, Kamen Cooley-Greene as Dakarai Solari, and Sec as himself. Music by AMC and Ruby Campbell. 

 Please check out our show notes for content warnings, transcripts, and your prescription of: the exact right amount amount of physical contact.  

If you enjoyed this episode and would like to help the show reach more ears, please tell someone who loves podcasts to check into the Vesta Clinic. You can also follow us on your social media of choice at @vestaclinicpod! We'd love to see you there!

Content Warnings: Minor Character Death, Grief, Euthanasia, Sacrifice, Loneliness

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

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