31. Thea
Date: Various
Patient: “Me! I’m the patient!”
Patient ID: Irrelevant
Presenting Complaint: Bleeding (everywhere)
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Transcript
[SOUND: Door opens, hurried footsteps, clattering in cupboards]
FAYE
Oh, stars! Come on!
[SEC: questioning ping, typing on screen, questioning ping]
Where’s the frigging - ?
Sec?!
[SEC: questioning ping]
Why is there never any bloody gauze in the drawer with the word ‘gauze’ on it?!
[SEC: typing on screen]
[SOUND: squelch as XAEL shifts]
Oh, you’re right, I’m sure it’s my fault! Where is it?
[SEC: negative ping, typing on screen, questioning ping]
Yes! We have a patient!
[SOUND: shifting from XAEL]
[SEC: typing on screen, questioning ping]
Me! I’m the patient! And I’m bleeding - a lot - so if you could
[SOUND: XAEL shifting, ripping/tearing sound]
Xael?! No! Wait! Don’t! Oh, oh, shit, oh, stars. Shit. Shit.
XAELEST
Where are you bleeding?
[SOUND: footsteps]
FAYE
What the fuck? Sorry - oh my stars -
[SOUND: footsteps]
XAEL
Faye, where are you bleeding from?!
FAYE
Sorry, sorry, what the fuck? Sorry - I mean - oh my stars - you - you just - and it’s too early - toooo early!
XAEL
What are you doing? Why are you closing your eyes?
FAYE
You are so naked and you have SO many arms!
XAEL
Seriously? Give me your hand. [More authoritative] Give me your hand.
FAYE
You weren’t meant to come out yet.
XAEL
You’re not meant to bleed all over the clinic floor and yet here we are. This is going to need stitches. Open your eyes.
Faye, open your eyes.
FAYE
Why?
XAEL
I’m taking you to my room. Lift this up. You weren’t even putting pressure on it!
FAYE
I was!
XAEL
Right. Let’s go. I can’t believe this.
FAYE
You - ! Oh, that’s a little bit rich coming from - ah! Oh, stars, I think - your new arms grabbed me - Ah! Don’t spin me so fast, I’ll be sick.
XAEL
It would be easier if you had your eyes open . . .
Sec, are there patients outside?
[SEC: negative ping, typing on screen, questioning ping]
We’ll be fine. Come on, Faye.
[SOUND: door open, shuffle of footsteps]
FAYE
Wait! wait! Can you -
[SOUND: pockets, rummaging]
Can you plug this into Sec?
XAEL
Now?
FAYE
Yeah, yeah. Now. Please. It’s my - um - well, it’s the thingy.
XAEL
It’s a comms.
FAYE
Yeah, he wanted it.
[SEC: affirmative ping]
XAELEST
[Sigh]
[SOUND: footsteps, plug in]
[Sarcastic] Enjoy.
[SEC: typing on screen]
FAYE
What did he say?
XAEL
He said, “Quick! Get to Dr Adra’s room so she can suture your arm right now!”
[SOUND: footsteps]
FAYE
[More distantly] I don’t think he did.
XAELEST
What were you even doing?!
[SOUND: door close]
[SEC: questioning ping, file open]
AERGLO
Dearest Thea,
If I’d known that your wife was going to steal you away from me for such unbearably extensive periods of time, I simply never would have introduced the pair of you. I have realised, though, that this comms will store messages and send them when it detects that you’re back out of a dead zone. So, I can witter away to you as much as I like and there’s very little you can do to stop me!
I - uh - Things are ticking along well at the clinic. I think last we spoke I had just put out that advertisement for a new doctor. Rai has asked to step back from clinical duties and I’m more than happy to support that but, stars, Thea. I am highly unimpressed with the quality of some of the applicants. People are coming to me, telling me that they want an interspecies medicine job, and yet they can’t tell the difference between arbolite and adrilaen fluid analysis. [Sigh] I’ll find someone. Um, Calyxy is well and sends her love.
Oh! I also have a new computer on the way. It - uh - it has a number of modifications I’m hoping will make life at the clinic easier. [Laugh] But I think the engineer was a little concerned about what we get up to out here.
I do hope you’re well. And I hope this comms will tell me if I fill up your inbox. Talking to you even without the expectation of a reply makes me feel far less lonely. Speak soon. Love you.
Save message.
[SEC: typing on screen, file open]
[SOUND: lab ambience, whirring of a lab machine]
My dear, Thea,
It appears that you were correct to warn me about the potential for further travel into a dead zone. You’re unreachable once more.
Things have . . . There are some issues at the Clinic.
[SOUND: Congratulatory tone, fabric shuffling]
Oop! Sorry, that’s my samples.
[SOUND: lid open, place samples in rack]
Dr Adra has arrived from Pasiphae. I, um, I did hear Adrastos’ warning about her. And I do trust that she is more up to date with the latest news from her home moon . . . But I couldn’t bear the thought of denying her a second chance. We both know I wouldn’t be here without people taking a chance on me, so. [Sigh]
[SOUND: lid close, buttons, machine whirring]
Unfortunately, Dr Adra appears to have left everything on Pasiphae except for her surgeon’s attitude. I would be tempted to chastise her, but - but it’s a pattern I recognise too well. I think Xaelest wants me to confirm the worthlessness she’s feeling and tell her that she’s not performing well enough. I don’t think she knows what to do with the fact that I won’t.
They say that surgeons have a burial ground inside them - for all the patients who - well, you can imagine. I suspect it will take time to remind Xaelest that this is a place to lay flowers and not dig her own grave.
[SOUND: Hatch door opens, footsteps as DAKARAI enters]
DAKARAI
Prof, I can’t - She’s impossible.
AERGLO
Dakarai -
DAKARAI
I know.
AERGLO
What did we agree?
[SOUND: chair]
DAKARAI
I’m not going to give up on Dr Adra, even when she’s being difficult.
AERGLO
Why is that?
DAKARAI
Because, when Dr Adra’s giving everyone proctalgia, it’s because she needs help.
AERGLO
I’m not convinced those were my exact words . . . but the sentiment is there.
[SOUND: fabric rustles]
Here.
DAKARAI
What’s this?
AERGLO
Xaelest’s EVA gear. Why don’t you set it up for her?
DAKARAI
Fine . . . Fine!
[SOUND: chair]
I was going to try convince her to eat with us tonight.
AERGLO
Hm? Oh, thank you, but I think I might be busy this evening. I need to . . . work on this new computer.
DAKARAI
Prof, please! [whispered] Don’t leave me with her!
AERGLO
Once you’re done with the EVA, can you please finish the reticuloparic spine analysis? We need to submit the abstract for that conference in a few days.
DAKARAI
Yes, boss.
AERGLO
Thank you, Dr Solari.
[SOUND: footsteps, door opening/closing]
That’s the other thing, Thea. My new computer. My new computer . . . is sentient.
[SOUND: Congratulatory tone]
You’ll recall that I chose it to act as . . . um . . . a second brain for the clinic? It [laugh] - It has a mind of its own.
I’ve been trying to program it to act as a secretary. It should be simple! The last one was. But each command is followed up by a request for clarification. It’s trying to understand why I want it to behave in a certain way before it decides whether or not to obey.
Don’t get me wrong, the machine - it’s . . . agreeable. Stars, I’m hardly going to send her back. The chances of spontaneous artificial sentience . . . people spend their entire lives trying to make this happen!
[Amused] You’re probably trying to understand why I’m not overjoyed. I -
It’s hard to explain. Perhaps I’m getting old. My tolerance for surprises is diminishing by the day. Do surprise me with a call once you’re in range, though. Love to you and the Captain.
Save Message.
[SEC: typing on screen, file open]
[SOUND: clinic room ambience]
Thea.
I am so sorry to hear the news of Adrastos’ . . . accident. I can’t imagine how you’re both feeling at the moment. I heard she’s been taken to Eos. From what I know, the folks there are good people and excellent doctors. I’m so glad she’s getting the prompt medical attention she needs and I’m so glad she has you.
I . . . hope I’m not overstepping, but Xander was particularly good friends with someone at university who went on to found a prosthetics company - Medicalacrity, they call it. I’ve contacted them on your behalf. So they can help.
I won’t take up too much of your time, but I know you well enough to know you won’t be satisfied without me answering the questions you’d ask if we were having this conversation on a live channel.
Things are going better here. My new friend -
[SEC: typing on screen in the background]
Yes, hah, he wishes to say hello. My new friend is settling in, as is Dr Adra. I, um, I also secured the research grant for Rai so his job is secure for the next few orbits. There’s a sense of everything working out for the best here - I do hope that you and Adrastos get to that place soon. If I can be of any assistance at all, you must let me know. Immediately.
So much love to you.
Save message.
[SEC: typing on screen, file open]
[SOUND: footsteps pacing]
Hi, hey, Thea. I know, um, we just spoke and I think I’ve missed the window for a call back but [laugh] . . . I, uh, think I need your advice on something.
So - oh, stars, I might end up just deleting this. If you actually hear this message, please know that I’m baring my soul to you right now and you’d better not laugh. Oh, I know you’re going to laugh. And I know you won’t be laughing at me, but at my dramatics. But, Thea, this is serious, I need serious, genuine advice. Okay?
I think I might be in love . . .
After our call, I was wondering whether to get ready for bed or if it was likely that I was going to be bleeped in the next hour and -
And I thought about seeing Sec.
Stars, Thea, you know - I know you know - that feeling. It was like . . . my diaphragm had become a reactor core for Martian Moths - and I was warm all over and - grinning. I was thinking about getting bleeped and I was grinning!
And then I panicked. I - I’m panicking. I’ve not -
[SOUND: collapse on bed, fabric rustles]
I thought I understood what it would feel like. And I’d accepted that, maybe, I was made to feel love in other ways. But - it’s - it’s just different with him! I - [Laugh] I - He’s excellent company. He makes me laugh. I make him laugh. And it’s like he doesn’t even have to try. I just - It’s . . . intoxicating.
And I think . . . now that I’m interrogating these feelings instead of trying to very quickly compartmentalise them into something small, and platonic . . . I think I’ve been feeling like this for a while. I’ve been feeling tired recently, but I still look forward to every second at work with him. Everything he says is delightful to me. I just want to be with him all the time. And I lie in bed every night and think about him and feel so happy. It’s - everything I used to roll my eyes at you about whenever you had a new crush. Stars.
But. He’s a colleague. And . . . a computer. I mean, aside from the very obvious fact that any kind of [they’re embarrassed to even say the word] relationship would have to be secret, I don’t even know if he likes me in that way - if he can feel that -
I just - I know I shouldn’t say anything. This is the last time I should even speak about it to anyone. It’s - it’s wrong. I - I know that it is perfectly normal to have emotional - romantic - whatever connections with other sentient beings but . . . It’s - I’m . . . I don’t know! And he - he’s a computer! My computer! He doesn’t have the option of cutting contact with me if I blurt out that I’m in love with him in the middle of a clinic letter! It’s not fair.
But - [Sigh]. Now I know it . . . It’s not going to go away. If anything, he’s going to become even more lovely and this love is going to gnaw at me like a - like a cancer, Thea! And I don’t say that lightly!
Stop laughing. And help me. It feels . . .
[SOUND: fabric rustles]
I can’t - [Laugh] I can’t hold it in for long. I’m going to crack open and all sorts of gooey feelings will rush out.
Tell your pilot to fly faster. I love you.
Save message.
[SEC: typing on screen, typing on screen, file open]
[SOUND: footsteps]
Thea! Uh. I blurted out that I love him in the middle of a clinic letter.
Call me when you get this.
Save message.
[SEC: laugh, file open]
[SOUND: Greenhouse ambience: birdsong and insect noises]
Thea. [Sigh] Thea.
I hate to be a coward. I - I should confess that I waited until you were back under military black-out before sending this. Hold on to your frustration at me, it might give you something else to focus on after I tell you . . . what I need to tell you.
[Pause] Remember, the first time I told you I had cancer? We were in the library, doing just about anything we could be doing except for working. You knew about Xander, of course. We both knew it was a matter of time before it was me as well. And you took me to the Earthen Gardens and just - [Laugh] I think I ended up comforting you, but it worked. It made me feel better. I’ve come up to the Greenhouse. It - uh - It always reminds me of that day.
It’s in my stomach this time. My ambitiously replicating mucosal cells have rustled up another treat for me.
I’ve been trying to pre-empt what your questions might be so I can answer them. But there’s only one important one. My oncologist thinks chemotherapy might help. More surgery isn’t an option given how little bowel I have left after the first two. But the chemo regime has good evidence behind it! I was already following the trial, actually. Vested interest. And there is the other plan, though, the presence of Sec inside the computer I was planning on using is certainly an unexpected hurdle.
I know this isn’t what you need - with - with Adrastos and everything. You’ve just got past it all. But I had to - I had to tell you first. It is going to be okay. I knew it was coming. I just - Well, we hoped for a little more time, didn’t we?
Um, I’m not - I’m not going to tell Sec. I don’t know how it will affect him and things are going so well. I don’t - you know. Please encrypt your messages as usual.
I love you. I’m sorry.
Save message.
[Pause]
[SEC: file open]
[Yawn] Dear Thea,
How are you? We’re keeping well. As well as possible within the constraints of current circumstances.
I had my first dose of chemotherapy today. Calyxy is administering it. [Yawn] I must say, I don’t quite have the energy to update you in the way you deserve.
Not to worry, though. Sec, in a surprise request, asked if he could write to you. Naturally, I am highly curious to see what he has come up with. Buckle in. [Laughs]
[SOUND: shifting in bed]
Dear Mrs Thea Endora,
The letter writing advice I have found on the Main Network, open parentheses, there are three billion entries in quotidian alone, open parentheses, suggests that I begin this communication with a request that you are found ‘well’. The Professor tells me that this is not necessary. I often receive conflicting advice from the people I have met compared to what is found on the network. Which isn’t confusing at all . . .
Instead, I will greet you with my start-up message.
He played his message for you here. It, um, sounds like [Vocal impression of start up sound].
[Clears throat]
[Reading again] I have heard much about you but remain intrigued by what I don’t know. Perhaps, if you could share access to your comms and network accounts, it would help me to fill in the gaps.
Um, I - [laugh], don’t worry. I’ll explain why that’s, um . . . going to be a no.
[Reading] I am learning to get to know people and the Professor says I am doing very well. Aerglo might not be aware of this - oh, stars - but their voice changes when they talk about you and your old escapades. I think this means that they love you.
If I had a voice, Thea - Oh, stars -
[SOUND: shuffling in bed]
- you might hear the same fondness for them in it. I want to say thank you for your friendship, for giving the Professor something to smile about. Even on days when patients are very sticky and shouty. It is my least favourite thing when patients shout at the Professor.
I hope I have not done too badly with my first letter.
Yours sincerely and in friendship,
Sec
[Pause] Hm. [Laugh] I hope that’s given you a good giggle. I should . . . talk to him. But first, I think, a nap. Talk soon.
Save message.
[SEC: typing on screen, file open]
[Annoyed] Thea, I love you, but I have been ambushed in my own laboratory today and I will be most annoyed if I find out you had any role in it.
[SOUND: lab door opens, footsteps as XAELEST enters]
[Uncomfortable silence]
Did you have something you want to discuss?
[SOUND: footstep]
XAELEST
I . . . wanted to apologise for how we approached your news earlier. We could have -
AERGLO
You could have. Still can.
XAELEST
I do think you should tell Sec. He - he shouldn’t be treated any differently.
AERGLO
Spoken like a true interspecies medic.
XAELEST
That’s the other thing. Prof, should I start preparing?
AERGLO
Preparing for what? Pass me those scales, please.
[SOUND: object pass]
XAELEST
Interspecies management 4.
[SOUND: scales dropped]
AERGLO
Dr Adra. There is enough to be doing around here without adding an exam into the mix. Of course, I’ll support you if it’s something you want to pursue but . . . please don’t feel any pressure from me. It’s a nasty exam. And you have to be examined by your own species . . .
[SOUND: bleep]
XAELEST
Can I take that for you?
AERGLO
Thank you, Xaelest.
[SOUND: bleep buttons, footsteps, door]
Thea . . . just - call me when you can.
Save message.
[SEC: typing on screen, file open]
[SOUND: footsteps]
Thea! I had to call you immediately! Hope is on the horizon!
Today, in clinic, I met a patient - an oogaroob - and - and - [Excited laugh] I think - I think I might have worked out how to organically store and continue to utilise my consciousness using their tissue.
You know the plan was to neurally imprint on the computer, so that I could control it with my mind? That part is easy. We’ve been doing that for orbits upon orbits with various electronic body modifications. However, that requires living tissue to do so.
[SOUND: door open, door close]
And, when I die, my brain tissue will be the first to be compromised. I’ve been trying to find ways to safely preserve some tissue but . . . it’s challenging.
But the oogaroob! This tissue - I think - is able to absorb and support another consciousness. And it has a much longer lifespan than human tissue! It might work!
[Pause to catch breath]
Sorry, I can’t walk as fast or far as I used to. I keep forgetting.
I did tell you about this, right? Obviously, this is not an attempt at immortality. I have no wish to outlive you all. I - I just have so much work to do and a prognosis that is incompatible with my plans.
[SOUND: footsteps]
I . . . about a week ago now, have explained to Sec that I have a life-limiting condition. But I haven’t quite explained how limiting. He - he took it better than I perhaps thought he would, possibly because I immediately explained the plan to host myself inside the computer. He’s on board with the plan, but obviously doesn’t have the experience that most lifeforms have with the ethical quandaries surrounding this kind of thing.
It is such a relief to have some hope, though.
Speak soon. Hopefully I’ll have more good news for you.
Save message.
[SOUND: typing on screen, file open]
Hi, Thea. I was really hoping I’d catch you. You’re probably sleeping.
You used to wake me up, calling me in the dead of night whenever you’d had a fight with one of your exes. This is me, [laugh] twenty orbits later, returning the favour.
[Sigh] Sec and I have had a bit of a fight. One might, if one were predisposed to dramatics, call it: blistering.
[Sigh] The oogaroob research isn’t progressing. I don’t know if it’s because I can’t do it all myself and I can’t tell Dakarai exactly what hypothesis we’re testing. He thinks we’re trying to get the goo to learn. What I am trying to do is prove that the sample I took from my patient has successfully shared its consciousness with a previously inert sample. It’s been stressful. It is stressful.
Xaelest has been pressuring me to tell Sec more detail about the ‘current circumstances’. It’s frustrating. She doesn’t even seem to really like Sec, not the way Dakarai does, which makes it all the more likely that she’s pestering me on ethical grounds, rather than out of duty to a friend. I told him, anyway. That’s when the fight started. I rather downplayed things and still he panicked. He’s convinced that he should be deleted to ensure there’s space for my consciousness.
I - I will not allow it. It’s murder. I love him, Thea! I couldn’t imagine!
He called me selfish. Because if it fails, he’ll have to live without me, not the other way round.
I need to sleep.
Save message.
[SEC: negative ping, file open]
[SOUND: chair hover]
I’m sorry I missed your comms. I fell asleep during my infusion. Chemo is just awful, Thea. The only saving grace is patient-free time to talk to Sec.
We’ve made up. Thankfully. I don’t have enough time to waste on arguments.
Xander did this so much better than me! Remember? He had a quiet grace that I have to fight to affect.
[Coughing fit] Yesterday - I told you about the new plan - to share hardware with Sec? I did, I’m sure I did. Yesterday, Dr Solari happened upon us while we were testing the imprint. I had EEG electrodes stuck into my scalp, the coloured wires trailing across the desk to Sec. I think [laugh] - I think he thought we were being intimate, in our way [Laugh]. What’s more intimate than sharing a brain?
If you’re looking for date ideas, Thea. [Laugh to cough]
I think Xaelest is struggling. I - I just don’t have the energy to talk with her and find out why. It is better for me to not know than to know and be unable to help. Maybe Sec was right about me. In any case, it’s a sign that I need to be moving things along.
Speak soon, I hope. I love you, always.
Save message.
[SEC: typing on screen, file open]
Thea. My best friend.
I thought you might want to know that my medical career has ended with a patient with improperly fitting footwear. They needed a Professor of medicine to diagnose and treat that. [Sigh]. Hm.
I’m going to store this comms with my notes about the remaining steps of the plan. You know to contact Dakarai in case of emergency. Part of what he’ll need is in the vents, like I said. I - I don’t know if there’ll be anything left of me to find. I hope so.
I want so badly to speak to you before all of this. But I think I’ve run out of time. I need to do what needs to be done.
I love you.
I hope this isn’t goodbye.
Save message.
[MUSIC: The Vesta Clinic Theme]
Credits:
This episode of the Vesta Clinic was created by AMC. It starred Christopher Stoops as The Professor, AMC as Faye Underwood, Kamen Cooley-Greene as Dakarai Solari, Ruby Campbell as Xaelest Adra, and Sec as himself. Music by AMC and Ruby Campbell.
Please check out our show notes for content warnings, transcripts, and your prescription of: queer platonic love.
If you enjoyed this episode and would like to help the show reach more ears, please tell someone who loves podcasts to check into the Vesta Clinic. You can also follow us on your social media of choice at @vestaclinicpod! A huge thank you to our Patreon supporters. We hope you enjoy this week’s bonus story and bloopers like this one:
Chris: Once you’re done with the EVA, can you please finish the reticulopar - BLAH! Why is Blah like my go-to -
AMC: I know, it’s cute!
Chris: - thing to do. Blah blah blah!
Content Warnings:
Reference to known character death; accidental injury; stitches; swearing; bleeding; squelchy sound effects; chemotherapy; chronic illness
